I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
