Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the raccoons are back...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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