What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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