I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
