you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I could fuck to npr.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
