im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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