he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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