so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
