I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
