For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
