I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
