Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
