he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
