i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
