they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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