Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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