Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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