I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
