My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
