You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
