Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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