So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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