Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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