Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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