best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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