i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
