At least make sure they are 18
Why
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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