remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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