he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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