I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
