Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
