If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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