Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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