I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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