Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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