The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
