At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
