Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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