I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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