i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
