Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
