that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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