she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
