Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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