I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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