we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
