i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
