Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i've created a new STD.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
