No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
