i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
