Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
