he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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