pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
