she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
