I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize