it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
