i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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