SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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