I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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