i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
