there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize