He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
