Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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