haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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