did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just tell him i said nine months
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
