i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
