The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
