I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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