I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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