oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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