K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
