Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
