I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
